Flat is better

Unfortunately there was only me who was able to ride tonight but then it wasn't supposed to be a 'training' do as such so I'll let them off. Valid excuses all round apart from Keith who had "Just had me tea" and thought it "Might get dark". Well I think we now know who wears the trousers in Keith's relationship with his bike, and it's not Keith! And it's not his bike either!

So, off I went with my cycling glasses to stop the flies getting in my eyes. Sadly, it's late September and it's 6:30pm and I'd forgotten to change the lenses from the Stevie Wonder models to the clear ones so there were plenty of "Never mind the flies, wheres the bloody road" moments, but more of those later.

I decided to see whether all this work was paying off and find the steepest hill I could and whether riding up it would kill me or not. So off I went, round the top road of our little village until I came to the crossroads at the Higher Trapp. Straight on to "Smokey Pad", right to "Sod this, I'm going to the pub for a pint, who'd know for God's sake!" or left up "Jesus Christ!" hill.

Unfortunately I'd eaten a Banana just before I set off so the energy boost won and left I went....................for about 100 yards! Jesus Quentin Christ on a bike! That hill is STEEP! I'd got to the first corner and had to stop. I wasn't sure if the luminous flies that appeared to be all around my head were inside my eyes or we'd been invaded by pissed up little aliens who'd been eating glow-sticks! Turned out they must have been inside me because after about 3 cars and a bus had driven by with each driver looking at me like I was not only green but mental, the flies had all gone.

They came back every 100 yards after that though!

Finally, I got to the top, caught my breath, thanked Jesus, Buddah and Jehova that I'd given up fags a few months back and ventured left down the hill past the riding stables. It was at this point that feeling the need for speed (going downhill), I thought I'd best put the glasses on so I didn't get blinded by Kamikaze flies.

It was kind of unfortunate that it was going dark and there was a canopy of trees virtually the whole way down because I couldn't see shit! In fact, it's a bloody good job that the one car I met who was coming the other way had his lights on or this would have been a really short Blog!

I slammed on and rode up the banking, only brambling one leg. Even though I had the Blues Brother's gigs on, I could just make out that the friendly driver advised me to "Get some Four Kin Lights!!". I don't know who makes "Four Kin" lights but from his gesture I think they must be like those Miner's light affixed to your forehead! What a good idea! I'll get some tomorrow!

By the time I got to the part where I needed to pedal again, the sunglasses were back in my pocket, and from there it was only 10 minutes home. The bike went in the garage and my wobbly legs took me to the pub. Another training session was over and the 100 or so calories that had been burnt were replaced with 600 or so of Carling's finest.

Top Bombing!